make your own miracles

I didn't know what to do, neither did I know what to say. All I did was stood there watching her numb body rest on the hospital bed as tears overwhelmed me.

Why, why is it I always do this? I never appreciate anything before me. I never showed any care and concern to anyone openly. I hate myself for that. Everyone else knew what encouraging words or words of concern to say to my, MY injured Grandmother, but all I do is cry. SHE has to console me telling me that she'll be alright. I hate myself! Why can't I say anything comforting? To anyone for that matter. Why is it I don't show any form of concern to people? Am I not human?

She used to always call me and ask me to visit her more often, or ask why I never come over to visit. Is it a little too late to visit often now? When she was active, I rarely visited her. Now, she's in the hospital with spinal injuries, probably won't be able to move as much as before and here I am regretting how I've been treating her.

I'm such a horrible person.

I hate myself.

But I'll try to change now, for my Achama.

Please get well soon, I'll change. Really, I'll treat you better from now on. Please don't give up therapy, Achama. I know you won't give up, it's not in your nature to. I just want to see you walk and stand and be able to hug me again.

posted at 2:17 PM 0 comments

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